So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
