I wish my penis had an off switch
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
