C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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