Got a toothbrush?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
