Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
