i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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