booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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