I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
