Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
