she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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