My Higher Power is John Stamos
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
