my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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