I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize