need another drink. this is the easiest way
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
