So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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