I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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