So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
