oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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