My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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