In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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