cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
