I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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