the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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