bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
