Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
