Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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