Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
