They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
