I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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