names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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