you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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