halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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