She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
