Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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