Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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