your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she peed on how many people?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
