i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
