Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
