I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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