i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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