woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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