Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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