the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
