Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize