Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
