you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
