apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
