you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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