If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
