Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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