at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just invented taco cereal.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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