I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
