I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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