I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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