so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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