people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
