please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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