She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
