I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
