no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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