I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
