tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
