We named our party play list daddy issues
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
